The Power of Witnessing Grief
- danielleckovac
- Apr 7
- 2 min read
Grief is one of the most profound and painful human experiences. As a therapist, I have sat with many individuals navigating loss, and one truth has become abundantly clear: grief does not need to be fixed—it needs to be witnessed. David Kessler, one of the foremost experts on grief, reminds us that “grief must be witnessed,” and that healing comes not from trying to erase pain but from allowing it to be seen (Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief).
The Importance of Witnessing Grief
In our society, grief often makes people uncomfortable. Well-meaning friends and family may try to cheer up the bereaved, encourage them to “move on,” or avoid mentioning the loss altogether. But grief demands to be acknowledged. As Kessler states, “Your grief needs to be seen, heard, and felt in order to heal” (Finding Meaning). When someone sits with us in our sorrow—without trying to change it—they offer one of the most profound gifts of healing: presence.
The Healing Power of Being Seen
Why is witnessing grief so important? Because grief is an isolating experience. It can feel as though the world has continued moving while we are stuck in place. Having our grief acknowledged reminds us that we are not alone. The simple act of having someone say, “I see your pain, and I’m here” can be incredibly validating.
Kessler emphasizes that “We don’t move on from grief; we move forward with it” (Finding Meaning). When our grief is witnessed, we are given permission to integrate our loss into our lives, rather than being pressured to “get over it.” This makes space for healing, rather than avoidance.
How to Witness Grief with Compassion
Whether you are grieving or supporting someone who is, understanding how to hold space for grief is crucial. Here are a few ways to witness grief with compassion:
Offer Presence, Not Solutions. There are no magic words that will take away grief. Simply being present and saying, “I’m here for you,” can be enough.
Acknowledge the Loss. Avoid minimizing phrases like “They’re in a better place” or “At least they lived a long life.” Instead, acknowledge the pain with statements like, “It’s okay to not be okay. You’re carrying something so heavy.”
Allow All Emotions. Grief is not just sadness—it can be anger, relief, confusion, or numbness. All feelings are valid.
Remember That Grief Has No Timeline. There is no expiration date for grief. Healing takes time, and everyone’s journey is different.
Final Thoughts
Grief is not meant to be carried alone. It is meant to be witnessed, shared, and held with compassion. As Kessler reminds us, “Healing happens in connection, not isolation” (Finding Meaning). If you are grieving, I encourage you to allow trusted people into your pain. And if you are supporting someone who is grieving, know that your presence—your willingness to witness their grief—is one of the greatest gifts you can offer.
Call, email, or message me with questions or to schedule a free 20 minute phone consultation.
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